Anxiety 2021 Update

 I'm back!  

I'm in my 3rd week of sick leave, and I am feeling so much better. A few weeks ago I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but now I feel like I'm at the end of the tunnel, maybe even out in the light. I'm not confused or scared. I'm not stuttering, or holding my breath. 

My GP increased one of my medications. I allowed myself the time to recover. I didn't punish myself for having a bad day. I didn't rush my recovery. I just let my brain reset itself in it's own time. I'm reading and crocheting again. I'm sleeping better. 

I'll be going back to work once my sick note is up, assuming I don't get any worse of course.

To anyone out there suffering with mental health issues. Things will get better. Ask for help. Even if you don't know what help you need, a professional will be able to point you in the right direction. Speak to your doctor. Don't worry if you don't know what to say, just tell them you are struggling with your mental health. They will know what questions to ask you to find out what is happening.

Keep going. Keep talking. 

Anxiety 2021

As I said in my previous post, I am going through an anxiety relapse. I've been off work 9 days now. Today I went out for the first time since my meltdown. It was only to the supermarket, but it's the most I've done in over a week. I thought I did really well. Got everything on my list. Couldn't process buying something that wasn't on my list though, that was a weird brain process. I didn't realise how much just that short trip took out of me. I ended up having an afternoon nap and have felt anxious all evening. It feels like one step forward, two steps back. Feel almost like I've let myself down. I was so happy thinking I was a lot better. Seems I underestimated just how sick I am. I might be off work longer than I thought. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I can't see it yet. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of feeling tense all the time.

Anxiety Update

My anxiety is really bad. I'm scared. I'm tense. I've been signed off work. This is the worst my anxiety has been since I was first diagnosed. It feels like I'm losing my mind. I'm not sleeping well. My stomach is in knots. I stop breathing randomly during the day. My hands are clenched. I'm mis-reading, mis typing. 

I'm exhausted. I forget things. I don't hear things. I can't figure out the simplist of things. I wake up with a clenched jaw.

I tried to cross an empty road. I could see it was safe. But I didn't trust myself, I had to use the crossing. 

It feels like there's a delay between me and the rest of the world. A bit like a long distance phone call used to be like.

I hate this. I hate my brain. I wish I could reset it.